


Some Idiots Dying Idk

by Rosesburn



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Alternate Universe, Choking, Fire, Ineffable Idiots (Good Omens), Sorry Not Sorry, Stabbing, hit by car
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-08
Updated: 2019-09-08
Packaged: 2020-10-12 08:03:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,198
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20560973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rosesburn/pseuds/Rosesburn
Summary: AU where instead of being discorperated they just die and then get back up after a moment.





	Some Idiots Dying Idk

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry but also not because I laughed a lot writing this. I'll probably get to fixing the ending in a few days or something

The average Human body is fairly sturdy. It can withstand and heal from a large variety of accidents and injuries. But it's not perfect of course, and a bad enough injury will lead to an untimely death. Although Crowley and Aziraphale are aware that there is a limit, they are unsure of where the limit is. This has led to numerous unexpected deaths in public spaces where one will simply get back up and brush off the wounds. 

Their deaths first began closer to the start of the earth, not too long after the garden of Eden was closed for business. They always seemed to be alone when an injury was enough to kill them. It wasn't until the 1800's when the skirts of Crowley's dress caught fire that others were around to witness the event.

She danced around the room swatting at her clothes in a panic, but it was no use and the flames overtook her rather quickly. She stood there irritated amidst the blaze, skirts burning to a crisp. It was not the heat itself that ended that life, it was the smoke. With desperate gasping Crowley fell to the floor in a heap of ash and melted fabrics. The rest of the crowd stood in horror, some even ushering people out of the room as the heat died and ambers settled upon the marble floors. 

An angel entered the room, pushing through the crowd, to get a good look at what had just transpired. He had been relaxing in the garden when the commotion first began. Aziraphale could hardly stand by as something terrible happened so close. If he could, he'd like to help. However, nothing could have prepared him for the sight he came upon. His chest ached for just a moment before the copper haired woman on the floor sat up and coughed out a puff of black smoke. Aziraphale helped her to her feet ever so gently as the crowd paused and a silence filled the room. 

"My dear, are you alright? What happened?" Aziraphale asked as he gently pulled Crowley to her feet. She coughed again and pulled her now melted sunglasses off of her face. 

"Danced a bit too close to the fireplace" 

\------------

Another time one of them died in public was while at dinner. It was somewhere between 2002 and 2004, doesn't matter exactly when. Crowley had spent so long in his snake form that he forgot chewing was necessary and managed to get a piece of bread lodged in his throat. He grabbed at his neck, not a single noise coming from him. Aziraphale had already watched him die like this so many times, he was used to it by now. The angel sat there, chewing on a piece of cake as the demon turned blue. The nearby patrons took notice and began to panic. Aziraphale continued to sit there, now embarrassed that Crowley was causing a bit of a scene. He thought about miracling the food away but it was too close to being considered "rescuing a demon" to do. 

"OH MY GOD!" 

"DOES ANYONE HERE KNOW THE HEIMLICH MANEUVER?!" 

"IS ANYONE HERE A DOCTOR!" 

Aziraphale, finally looked panicked as he stood and went over to where Crowley was seated. He held his breath as his hands slipped around Crowley's chest, they'd been in close quarters before but this was different. He hesitated for a moment as he wondered if this still counted as rescuing a demon. Even if it was, shouldn't he be kind and loving to everyone? But it was too late. In his hesitation, Crowley slumped over onto the table and so Aziraphale pulled away. Some woman began to scream and the waitress hurried to call an ambulance. Aziraphale stood there, unsure of what to do next now that the whole restaurant was aware of what happened. He stood there behind Crowley, fidgeting nervously. 

It didn't take long for the servers to begin asking people to leave the restaurant, they told everyone they were closed for the rest of the evening. It was then that Crowley sat right back up, his skin now back to it's usual hue. Aziraphale exhaled in relief and took his seat with a plan to resume his meal as if nothing had happened. Crowley followed suit and picked up his fork, he waved the waitress off when she approached. The confusion that settled was worse than the panic. It was so silent, Aziraphale almost considered paying and leaving right then. They both felt as if all eyes were on them, and they were right. All eyes were on them. 

Of course Crowley isn't the only one to have died in a public space. Aziraphale had his own instances of injury. Possibly even more than Crowley had. 

Aziraphale wandered through the rows of parked cars, trying to find where Crowley parked the Bentley. Usually it would have been right up front of the building they were headed into, but even this shopping plaza left no room in front for parking. He had asked to split up while they searched mainly because of how out in the open they were. Being in buildings at the same table, or in parks at the same bench was fine but this was asking for trouble. This was asking to be spotted. He caught a glimpse of a black car up ahead and hurried between two parked vehicles and out onto the open street without sparing a glance at oncoming traffic. The next part to this day is difficult to remember. One minute everything was fine and the next minute Crowley was stood over him as a large crowd watched from a short distance. 

There were four things he noticed right away. The first one being that Crowley was standing over him, looking like he'd just seen Hastur waving at him. The second thing he noticed was that his leg was not exactly where it should be. No, it was behind his back, which he was laying on top of. The third thing was the crowd of worried and squeamish onlookers that watched. And the fourth thing was the man who watched from his car. The exact car that had just rammed into poor Aziraphale. The angel stood up and straightened out his coat as he cleared his throat. Crowley vaguely gestured to his coat, and Aziraphale looked down to find bits of blood but no visible wounds. "They must have healed," he thought. He stood there awkwardly for another moment before Crowley chimed in with "Should we go now?" To which Aziraphale nodded and they vanished behind some more parked cars. 

There were other times. Times Aziraphale only wanted to clean but mixed the wrong chemicals and ended up out cold on his floor. Or times Crowley ignored robbers completely only to be stabbed and inconvenienced. It was so troublesome to be killed, it freaked many people out and drew unnecessary attention to them. Not only that but when the authorities got involved it was difficult to get out of without becoming some sort of medical miracle, something Crowley especially hated being referred to as. I don't know how to end this wtf


End file.
